The Great Potato Itself!!! (no, I'm not even kidding, this is really it)
Ok, so we've all been to Linux right? Yes? No? Never heard of it? Whatever, it's like twelve o'clock at night and I had too many sweet teas. Ok, so, all the restaurants in the food court at Linux have turned into ones that you see really often right? Like, they've got Sbarro's and Chick-fil-a, and California Pizza Kitchen is kinda a one off, but it's also kinda separated from the food court, so it doesn't really count. But there's this one little place called 'The Steak and Potato Factory' and I've literally never seen anything quite like it in my life. For one thing, it's genuine retro, like, not Johnny Rockets retro, but my grandma's kitchen retro. I mean, the sign is, that's really the only thing. But it's neon (baby pink and baby blue--why for potatoes and steak? I don't know), and it's got the wording for 'Steak and Potato Factory' in those bubbly Steak and Shake letters, and of course the neon kinda flickers from time to time, and the glass casing is distressingly cracked, etc. There's this long off-white counter that kind of barracades the workers in. They're stuck in this little three foot long space that contains these posters that are kind of decaying, that show the pictures of the different foot types you can eat--only it's mostly, you guessed it, Potatoes and Steaks (variated, of course). And there's this little Korean guy behind the checkout who's memorized my order by now, and he's about sixty years old and he always smiles and acts really friendly when you approach cuz no one goes within three feet of the place. (I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but there's only so much room to walk around in in that food court). Anyways, he's the only Korean in the place, and the rest are Mexican, which is kinda weird, because usually it's always one type of race in a certain restaurant right? But I guess potatoes and steaks are generic enough so that it doesn't really matter. Anyways, the older guys always kinda disgusted with his Mexican counterparts because they're always chatting with each other in spanish or texting or fiddling with their crosses or something (they all have crosses, I swear this isn't a cultural predujice, although this post is really starting to sound like that huh? Don't worry, I'll cut it out--I just think older Korean men are cute... the aww! kind of cute, by the way, like Rebecca's grandfather...) but as soon as he gets your order and yells it at them they all snap into attention and start making the potato. I always get a king potato by the way (that's what they're called), and it comes with melted cheese and whipped creme and chives and bacon and it's the best thing in the world--and they serve it to you to go or eat in in exactly the same way--only if you get it to go they won't give you the tray :P ok, so, you kinda slide your tray (if you're eating in) down the off-white countertop towards the other end where there's this greasy little lamenated sign that says 'pick up here', which really has no point in existance, because the counter space is so small you could really stand anywhere to wait for your order. But still, it just adds to everything, and besides, it's fun to slide your tray down. So the guy who's fixing the potato is always really friendly, and he always smiles when he hands it over the radiator like thing they've got that blocks the customers off from the employees. And then you've got your potato! Now, the only thing is, the little Korean guy who takes your order always drops his smile as soon as you go away and starts looking kind of sad again. I think it's cuz he's the only one in the place that speaks Korean and not Spainish (and none of them speak English by the way--which is extra fun, you know, like how they do it on purpose at Willies? Except not on purpose! haha!) anyways, so I got to thinking one night, that he's really not all that lonely because you see, he only LOOKS like a sad little old guy who sells potatoes. Actually, when he goes back into the kitchen he can go through this special little door and go back to the world he comes from (because you can do that in big malls like Linux) and in the world where he comes from he's actually a potentate--very important and all, and everyone gives him a lot of respect right? Cuz they know how wise he is, and he wears a scarlet robe that's embroidered all over with gold (and it must be scarlet--but it doesn't look a thing like a komono, because we're not being racist here, and I would never mix up my races or anything horrible like that) no, it kind of looks like the robes in World of Warcraft that the undead wear, except more colorful. Anyways, he's got command over this whole valley back there, but every once in a while he has to pop back up and smile at someone who's looking at his decayed potato charts and ask if they want anything. But he's happy to do it because he knows that really he's just pulling the wool over all these suckers, and that he's really NOT a potato seller-he only looks like it. I'm sure he has magical powers as well. That's why the potatoes taste so good :) and they really do y'all--go to a 'Steak and Potato Factory' if there's one near you and get a potato--you might have a magical potato man too!!
